Thursday, November 25, 2010

Rule #6

Oddly I am a Libra yet I used to know nothing about the art of balance. On one scale, the heavier side that used to weigh down my very existence, I’d have my friends and socializing. On the other end I’d have my family, school and any other aspects of life I didn’t want to deal with. For years nothing was wrong with this picture as it satisfied everything a teenage girl wanted: friends, an awesome team and having a great time. Don’t get me wrong, I have always loved my family and succeeding in school has never really been a problem for me however my scale was heavily imbalanced. Now you may assume that my next words will be something along the lines of “now my family is my priority and friends aren’t as important,” but that’s not the case at all. In fact most of us look at our scales in the wrong way. We constantly juggle our priorities, shifting weight back and forth between different pieces in our game of life. No matter how much I would shift around my priorities, the feeling of complete contentment would never come to me and I have now discovered why. Most of us forget the most important aspect of our autobiographies and our scales and that is the very author who makes them such. I searched far and wide for Lilly on my balance beam but she was nowhere to be found. Certain elements of her could be detected as she was the captain of NTP, she was the friend of her own friends, she was the daughter of her mother, etc. But as a whole, Lilly did not exist in my set of priorities. I feel out of everything this self-claimed superhero has to offer this may be the most important rule of happiness I will ever suggest.

Rule of Happiness # 6: If life feels imbalanced and your world is tipping over, put your own weight in the center of the scale.

You are the most powerful person in your life. You ultimately decide how your day will go, you decide what to make of

life, you decide how to act, react and behave and you decide which pathways to take in the walk of life. Now you may argue saying you cannot control the jerks, bumps and cliffs in a bad day however I will rebuttal by saying yes you can. A jerk is only a jerk if you let them be one. A cliff is only a cliff if you decide to jump off of it. This lesson has come to me alongside great anguish and pain. I used to be that person who would go through a day pointing fingers at every person who hurt me and who would curse at my terrible fate. Then I realized something: in life we don’t have control over anything or anyone. I cannot control the person who breaks my heart, I cannot control liars nor can I control the morals and values of those who surround me. However I do control the most important aspect of my very existence and that is me. I control myself and you know what, with that, in essence I control EVERYTHING.

In one of my previous rules I mentioned the battle between the mind and the heart. I have discovered that when you acknowledge that you are the most important and powerful person in your life the battle eases a little bit. For some reason I am actually now able to reason with my emotions. It is almost as if because I have put importance in myself I have become friends with myself in a sense. As corny as it sounds you may even say I am my own best friend. As a result I am able to talk to myself as a friend and say “Lilly, now we have two options. We could get mad at this and be upset and cry and shout and scream. But wait, ultimately it’s your decision if you want to do that. Let’s try to see it from the other person’s point of view first. If that doesn’t work then how about we don’t give this person more power than ourselves and maybe cut Lilly some slack? Yeah, that sounds good. If anything I’ll laugh about it myself when no one’s watching.”

This actually applies to a lot of issues. Take your life right now...seriously, and analyze it. I guarantee you that a lot of issues in your life right now stem from one mistake: giving other people more power over you than yourself. He didn’t say what you wanted him to say and now you’re hurt. Well why couldn’t you just tell yourself that and believe it with all your heart? Your family wasn’t proud of your good test mark. Why is their praise more important than your own? Buy yourself a cupcake. Someone upset you because they said a few ignorant words to you. Why are their words tougher than your shield? Your life is falling apart. How can it when it stares back at you in the mirror?

I’m not saying issues in life are an easy right off however I am suggesting that a lot of us ignore our own importance, value and power. It shows every time we go to other people for reassurance or every time we doubt ourselves. It is no secret that I was depressed recently in my life, I feel I’ve openly accepted that now. I am very fortunate to be here writing this blog in my room as I could have easily walked the other direction and been a statistic by now. If I can touch the heart of even one person through this blog I would be content. Many have watched me transition from a depressed pessimist who hated waking up into a person of strength, optimism and hope. I can honestly say that I was only able to do so when I told myself to. This is when I realized that I am the most powerful person in my life. I have also made a decision to never go back to that place and no matter how many people try to shove me back there, no matter how many issues force me into relapse...I will not go because I am stronger than everything else. However in your life there is something stronger than me...and that’s you.

I’ve made a little diagram of my life. Note how the aspects of my life haven’t changed. The only thing that has changed is the structure.

Happy Living to you all.

Yours Truly,


At the end of the game the queen and the pawn go back into the same box. So while it's a queen.


  1. what do you do??
    are you an actor or writer ??

  2. It dont matter what she does, its the fact tht Superwoman's back that matters!
    This definitely helped a lot of people.

  3. I needed to hear this. I went through the same... kept putting others ahead of me and didn't know how to stop. Turned into a door mat without even realizing it. And then I was so tired / numb, I found myself sitting and staring at the wall for hours. Kept wondering 'what the hell happened? I've never gone this low before...' and no answers were forthcoming. Its clear that nobody loves me as much as I do, so I'll be my queen now instead of a scullery maid. Thank you dearest, for this blog. I hope you wouldn't delete it ever.