Monday, October 25, 2010

Return of the Superhero

Facebook is like a scrapbook isn’t it? New pages, profile pictures and statuses excite us while flipping through old albums, old wall posts and old relationship statuses touches a sensitive spot in our hearts. Often times we forget our activities and are only reminded of them when someone else blows the dust off of them. The other day, my mom blew the dust off something I had forgotten about. Actually, I lie. I did not forget about the link to my blog underneath my profile picture, I in fact neglected and abandoned it. So today I am blowing the aging dust off of that link and nurturing this abandoned diary I started long ago.

Hey! It’s been a while hasn’t it? I had thought that my neglect for this blog would be a collective one and that alongside myself the rest of the world would just leave these entries to be forgotten. Fail. A few days ago my mom had told me that she’d read my blog and that she found it quite depressing. Instantly two thoughts went through my mind: 1) how does my mom know how to reach my blog on a computer she barely knows how to turn on, and 2) she must think I’m some sort of disturbed child from the underworld. The latter thought actually sent a bolt of panic through me because I realized that if I am concerned my own mother would think in such a way then chances are the rest of the blog-reading world would as well. Therefore this entry is basically my explanation, not that it’s exactly necessary to give one, but just for my own peace of mind as to why my blog entries may resemble the words of someone with serious problems.

When I started my blog and for a while after I was experiencing what I like to call “emotional gravity.” In other words, I was emotionally and mentally falling down and due to this pressure I was not able to lift my spirits. Some call it depression, others call it “she’s such a jerk,” but whatever the title may be it hit me hard. For about half a year I was Lilly Version 0.5. I say 0.5 because for these few months I was less than I have ever been before. Anyone who knows me knows that when I call myself Superwoman it’s not because I own the graphic tee but it’s because I allow very few things in life to knock me down. No amount of heart-to-hearts with friends, bowls of ice cream, Bhangra performances or prayer could save me from the way I was feeling. I begged for that Reese Blizzard from DQ to save me at least for the day, but it wouldn’t…and it cost me $3.99. Nothing worked so I decided to convince myself that there was a way to be happy and that was through this blog. Writing makes me happy but on top of that if I could convince you that happiness existed, I could brainwash myself into thinking the same thing. I’m sure at this point you are wondering what on earth made me feel this way in the first place and the answer to that I can honestly say now doesn’t matter. The cause of the pain doesn’t matter…all that matters are the lessons learned from the pain.

I hated the world; clearly, as I wrote my blogs with the intention of them being a very sharp knife that would rip through your every belief. I was bitter, and I continued to be until recently. Something happened. For the first time in my life I felt like I had opened the eyes that had been shut for a life-time. One morning I woke up and was a different person. It’s as if overnight in my dreams I decided that this wasn’t going to be my life anymore. I woke up with a new mentality, a new outlook on life and a smile on my face that would take a hurricane or world war to wipe off. Because ladies and gentlemen the truth of the matter is in life we are too busy being upset with people, being upset at situations and hating what we have to actually appreciate everything we do have. And when I look back at my blogs not only do I sense a bitter person but I sense someone who never knew how to look at the glass half full. Well that person is gone now. Because not only is my glass half full but I’m Desi…so it’s a half full steel glass that is not going to break no matter how many times you knock it over.

I do not apologize for my past posts nor do I feel bad about them. Don’t let your past define who you are, let it be a part of who you become. And now more than ever I feel I can serve the true purpose of this blog that I started long ago. Now, after going up and down the behemoth for months I can truly tell you the rules to happiness…because trust me, happiness is here…and it’s here to stay.

In conclusion, Superwoman is back and better than ever. In fact, she is SO BACK that she is in the works of turning her rules of happiness into a book. And this time when I say happiness I do not mean a twisted deranged negative attitude disguised as a rule of happiness. This time I mean that no matter what you are going through, life is beautiful…and I now feel that I have the qualifications to provide you with the glasses to see it as such.

I look forward to rocking your world,

The world can’t even handle me right now…so the club doesn’t stand a chance.